Birthing
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10 September | |||
| The Pregnancy Diaries | |
| 26 July 2003 | |
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I went in to the doctor yesterday and it was the first appointment where he checks my physical progression towards labor. So far, my cervix is shut tight (0 cm), and I am 0% effaced (if you don't know what that means, don't worry about it!). That's normal, and just tells us that so far, nothing is happening ahead of schedule. I haven't had any pre-labor contractions (called Braxton-Hicks contractions) yet. Grant IS in the downward position, ready for birth. He's bigger now, so doesn't have the space to move as much as he did, but is still VERY active. I'd include an ultrasound picture of his crotch (the only printout I'm going to get!), which clearly shows his little weenie, but I don't have my scanner set up yet. |
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We did another ultrasound last week, as the Doc was concerned that Grant was getting too big. The ultrasound that I had before the amnio was the best, I saw SO much detail, and his entire little face! He's so big now that we (Mom was there) could only see 1. his weenie, 2. the bottom of one foot, 3. his hand open and close, 4. his heart pumping, 5. his liver, 6. his jaw from the side, "chewing", and 7. the top of his head. The Doc measured the head circumference and says he's not too big (yay). He tried for a long time to get a better shot of him: "C'mon kid, Grandma's here!", but Grant was wriggling as usual, and would move out of the way of any really good pictures. And since he's head downward, with his head in between my pelvic bones, it was hard to get a good angle on his face anyway. I'm supposed to pay lots of attention to Grant's movements now, if I count fewer than 6 movements an hour for more than two hours, that signals severe distress, and I need to go in right away. No worries about that at this point, he's still moving like a champ; ALL the time! Everything on the house is taking FOREVER, and I won't be done before the delivery (or even close). I'm feeling pretty good for someone starting her 38th week, but I just get more and more tired. Everyone says that I should just sleep all that I can, all day if I need to, but there is simply SO much to get done! It looks like all I'll be able to finish is the nursery; not even the kitchen will get done. That really bugs me, I wanted to be able to make something to eat without plaster dust getting in everything... Along with the tiredness, I truly can't move things around anymore. I've tried just dragging boxes or "rolling" them like a square wheel, but even that makes the muscles in my abdomen twinge and ache in an alarming sort of way. Very irritating to not be able to do the things I want and need to do. And I have to keep asking for help at stores, to lift things and to load them in the truck. After all the time I've spent being a macho, take-charge sort of chick, asking for so much help has been extremely humbling. Mom & I have been going to childbirth classes, and she's very, very excited about the baby! I'm so absorbed in details that I haven't really been able to let the idea sink in: a whole little person coming out of me in just a few weeks! But she's all set. I still have to finish the nursery, set up the crib, buy a crib mattress, set up the co-sleeper, find or make crib bedding, move the rocking chair upstairs, pack bags for the hospital, get the house at least semi-clean for all the visitors that will be coming, do paperwork, pay bills, wash EVERYTHING that will touch Grant's skin in special baby detergent, move all his clothes and stuff into his room, etc., etc., etc. It's a lot, and time is really getting short. I'm a little freaked out about it, but am trying to continue cutting down the list to what is absolutely necessary. It's hard; I wanted to be SO much further along at this point. Reality check: I've been buying diapers every time I go to the store, and have about 160 newborn diapers now. That will last only about two weeks!!! Aaaah! The other member of the family, my cat Saki, is always trying to crawl on my nonexistent lap or lie on my chest/belly, which is a no-no. She hardly ever sleeps with me now, I just move around WAY too much, and have far too many pillows. But what she REALLY misses is playing on the floor. She is constantly trying to start a rough-house play session with me, but I just can't get down on the floor like that, or chase her around. I think she thinks she's being punished for something. I try playing with her using a wad of twine or something, but she wants real, hands-on PLAY. I feel bad for her. She's shedding like crazy in this heat, no matter how much I brush her, but aside from some sadness/loneliness on her part, she's doing well. I think that once I get the yard fenced and can let her out there, and once I can hold and play with her again, she'll be much happier. I also went to a thing where they showed me how to install the car seat properly. It takes more muscle than I had imagined to get it sturdy! The new advice is to keep the child rear-facing for as long as possible (at least 12-18 months), not just the first 6 months or so. (The nursing advice has changed some too, now it's recommended to keep the baby on breast milk alone for six months [not 4] before adding any other nutrition!) For future reference, I will be delivering at: We went to my cousin C.J.'s 25th wedding anniversary party this past weekend. ... You know what I miss? Theatre folk are SO verbally supportive, and I really got used to friends calling me "beautiful Momma", and telling me how fabulous I looked, and how well pregnancy suits me, and that I was glowing, and that they hoped they would look as good when pregnant, and all that (sigh). Seems that all I hear now is how big my belly is! The weight is still all in the belly (thank goodness!), but I'm up to 155 now (bigger than Grant's daddy!) and moving around all the extra tonnage is tough, especially with just my scrawny legs to support it and my skinny butt to cushion it! hee. That's all for now! More soon!
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Another Doctor's appointment on Tuesday, and Hoorah! there's been some progress: I'm not dilating yet, but am now 75% effaced, and the baby has dropped, or "lightened"! ... [Three things have to happen before delivery: 1) the baby has to drop down into the lower pelvis, 2) the cervix has to thin away to nearly nothing (or "efface"), and 3) the cervix has to dilate to 10 centimeters.] So we're on our way! |
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My doctor is still advising me that there's a good chance I won't deliver on or before my due date: first time Moms are often late, boys tend to gestate longer than girls, and since my mom's babies were both over two weeks late, the genetics may make Grant late too. So who knows?! Due to the Labor Day weekend, my next Doctor's appointment is on Thursday... I'm surprisingly excited to learn how I'm progressing. There is definitely something different going on in and around my tummy! After the Doctor's I got a striking feeling of impending birth, so I went immediately to the grocery store and filled two carts full of frozen, dried, and other prepared foods! I wanted to make sure that if I went into labor that very night, I'd have something nutritious to eat that doesn't require cooking or driving anywhere! (There are no restaurants that deliver in Central City. Not pizza; nothing!) Besides, I hadn't stocked the house with food since moving in. The kitchen is so torn up, I thought it better to buy just small foods when needed, but I guess that theory can't work forever! My mom will be around a lot after the birth, and my brother and his Tribe are coming out for a week at the end of September, so I really thought it best all around to have something in the house besides a frozen loaf of bread and some cheese & crackers! My freezer in particular is totally full; it can't fit one more rice bowl or frozen pasta dish! It calms me to go look at it... Mom and I went to our final childbirthing class, a really great experience overall, and I think it made Mom feel more comfortable about being my support person. A lot of things have changed since she was last in a delivery room 35 years ago! She got to the hospital, and they put her in bed on her back and made her stay there until she had a baby. No "comfort measures", no walking to help the labor, nuthin! She's very happy that she'll have the opportunity to see her baby have a baby. She's paying a lot of attention to learning how to help me through the labor and not irritate me in the process. I keep threatening that if she puts me on edge, I'll have the room cleared of everyone but medical personnel! (I don't know that I would, but I also don't know how I'll react to labor, and I want her to be steeled against having her feelings hurt.) I really do feel pregnant now... The sense of anticipation is steadily growing. Since Grant has dropped, I move around like a stereotypical Pregnant Woman: the waddle, the reluctance to bend, the moment to gather strength before getting out of (or into) a chair, the whole thing. He's upside down and pressing hard on my bladder, so that stereotype has come true too! I still don't feel like the proverbial "house" or "big fat cow", but moving around (even while in bed) is rougher each day, and there is a general feeling of slight discomfort. No worries, though. I can definitely handle a few weeks of discomfort, especially knowing that many women are sick, uncomfortable, and/or in pain for the entire 40 weeks. I've had a great and remarkably easy (knock wood) pregnancy. I feel very lucky. Sometimes I even forget that the belly is there, and try to fit into a space that is WAY to small for me, or try to get closer to something, only to find the belly in the way! I'm meeting with Grant's pediatrician next week to discuss his care and make sure we are on the same page about supplemental bottles, immunizations, and stuff like that. She's been recommended to me in so many ways by so many people, I hope that we communicate well. We don't have to discuss whether Grant will stay in the hospital room with me as opposed to in a nursery down the hall, the facility at St. Francis has an ICU nursery in the maternity ward, but no Well Baby Nursery as such. All well babies stay with Mommy while at the hospital. Wow. I'm "Mommy". The weather out here has been really weird, especially for a SoCal gal. For about a week, it was hot, hot, HOT. And humid enough to press the clothes in the closets. Nothing like toting around an extra 40 pounds in the hot and sticky! But then, Labor Day weekend, it cooled off: from a high of around 105 to about 75! I even had to use something other than a sheet on the bed at night, and put something on to walk around the house in the morning. It rained a little, but no one out here even thought about complaining: the farmers really need the moisture! It's leveled out now, the days are around 80 or 85 and pretty pleasant. Strange to think that the leaves will be changing soon, and after that, snow! Mom & I are almost done painting the never-ending nursery job! I learned a lot about painting stripes on top of other paint! It also came home to me that one must always buy enough paint, and must never custom mix paint oneself. I mixed the ceiling color myself, and we ran out of it before we finished the touch-ups. No matter what I did, the hardware store just couldn't match exactly the color I mixed. Very frustrating! I feel bad for Mom; she ended up having to paint the closet over again, since the color she cut in with and the color she painted with were off just enough to be noticeable. Mom has been great, a huge help in getting the nursery done and the rest of the house in at least semi-livable condition. I don't know what I would have done without her. -- Another thing I miss about LA: out there I could always hire someone for the day to help with any given job. Out here, pretty much everyone who wants to be employed IS employed, mostly doing farm work. My relatives are great, but most of them are past the age of lifting heavy objects and/or pulling weeds! Speaking of family, I've had a couple of visits from extended family, and it has been really great to regain lost ties. My theatre family was such a large part of my life that I didn't realize how much I missed the blood (& marriage) ties. It really makes me happy that Grant will be able to grow up with his family around; even if only on holidays. I remember holidays and summers filled with aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, etc., and they were very happy times. I'm thrilled that Grant has a chance at some similar memories. I think that's it for this entry; more in a week or so!
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04 September 2003 In to the Doctor's again today... I still haven't had any contractions, but I'm a little more effaced (about 85% or so) and a "fingertip" dilated. Grant has dropped to "zero station". The Doc said he could feel the top of the baby's head through the teeny gap in the cervix. EEeeee! That means there is actually a BABY in there! Or it could be an Alien. He moves around almost 24 hours a day, and I thought that human babies slept a lot, so we'll have to see on My Labor Day. |
I'm very glad that my doctor isn't pushing for anything that I'm not comfy with. We'll start doing "non-stress tests" on Grant at my next appointment, as then I will technically be Overdue. The tests just assure that he's doing OK in there; still getting nutrition and oxygen and all. The Doc assures me that we won't start talking about inducing labor until my 42nd week (unless there's a problem). I really like my Doctor a lot. He's very personable, and acts interested in how I'm doing and what I'm feeling. I went to meet with Grant's future pediatrician, and WOW, is she great! She met with me in her office for over an hour, and never made me feel like she was in a rush. We talked about Grant's future care, but also about child rearing in general, families, and Life. She has four grown children of her own, and her husband is a retired OB/GYN. A couple of the nurses I've had the chance to meet have chosen her for their children! She is very active in the medical/pediatric community, and was recently on Public Access TV promoting awareness for Breast Feeding Month (August). We have many of the same ideas about the medical care of infants and children, so I feel very confident about having her care for my wee baby (and growing son). -- A real load off my mind! I'm very glad that I insisted on meeting with her before the delivery. Now I have the confidence to hand Grant over to her, at least for a few minutes! |
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 Mom & I finished painting the nursery, and here I am adding some finishing touches. |
It seems like the nursery will never be finished! The up side is that Grant will be sleeping in my room for the first two or three months, so I'll have a little time to get everything set up how I want it. We finally finished up the painting, but I need to get the rugs down, the curtains up, and the remaining furniture moved in (right now there's just the crib). Then I need to get all his little clothes and stuff put into drawers and put away in the closet so I can find things! Finally, I need to install the shelf I have planned all along the top of the room. In the photo at left, the shelf will snug against the top of the window frame, and will be painted the same color as the top of the wall & ceiling. I need to get my wood shop set up before I can do the miter cuts and such that are needed for the shelves though, so I plan to wait until after the delivery for that. I'll be sure to post a picture when the room is "done". |
My Aunt Nancy & Uncle Dick loaned a lovely thing for baby care: my great-grandmother's rocking chair. It's very simply designed, which is perfect. We all got it out of storage, and Mom scrubbed the wood clean of dust and old varnish. Aunt Nancy reminded Mom that when ill as a baby, the rocker served as a sort of oxygen tent for her. Mom was laid out on the seat of the rocker, with a blanket draped over the arms and back of the chair, and a kettle of steaming water on the floor underneath. In a home without electricity, a pot of hot water served as a vaporizer! I'll feel like a part of History each time I rock Grant to sleep in Great-grandma Belle's chair... I've found myself fascinated by other people's parenting methods, with the result that I am frequently caught staring at someone dealing with their screaming toddler in the grocery store or WalMart. I'm sure the parents think that I'm looking on disapprovingly, but I'm actually watching as one might watch rats in a maze... What works, what doesn't, when the child started screaming, if there's a reason for the screaming, the whole ball'a'wax. It will certainly be a challenge, especially when he reaches the toddler stage where everything is "no" and he's asserting his independence. Just reminds me to treasure each little moment before then, when he's attached and compliant! The weather has been MUCH nicer, warm-to-hot in the daytime, and pleasant at night. There's even a breeze through most of the day. All in all, I'd say there were... oh... maybe three weeks total of uncomfortable heat & humidity. Not all at once, but through the whole summer. Not as bad as I thought. And you should see the sky at night! I had forgotten how many billions of stars there are! Bright, and dim, and just everywhere! It's strange what we get used to, I had started to think that the couple hundred stars I could see in the LA night sky were all there were! .... However, the BUGS are just out of control here! In LA, I usually refused when a homeless person asked to clean my windshield, because most of the time, it just wasn't that dirty. Out here in the Heartland, one can't drive to Grand Island (the nearest "big" town, with 40K people, about 20 miles southwest) without returning with a windshield crusted over with bug carcasses of all sizes and colors. Some of the bugs are cool, like lightning bugs, cicadas, and huge dragonflies, but the neat bugs are definitely in the minority! The grasshoppers, mosquitos, house flies, and biting flies in particular are ubiquitous and annoying. I am kind of a freak about bugs anyway, particularly flies, so I hope that I'll develop a tolerance or methodology for dealing with them. ... I could just coat my yard with Diazanon or some other poison... Oh, wait, I'll want my kid to play out there! Hmmm... I think that's about it for now... More in a week or so, or if anything happens!
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| 10 September 2003
No Baby Yet! Just a quick note to acknowledge that yes, Grant's Due Date is upon us, and no, he's not here yet. I think it will be a bit (several days? a week?) before m'boy makes the scene... Most pregnant women feel contractions here and there in the days just before delivery, and I've felt nary a contraction. However, both my Mom and Aunt Nancy said that they had no contractions before they went into labor... So... |
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Some of my dear friends out there have given me some ideas of how to bring on labor. And while some of them sound fun, or diverting at the very least, I'm happy to wait a bit longer. I feel like if I let Grant come in his own time, perhaps he'll be a bit easier on me during labor... (maybe?) As I've said in previous Updates, the only truly uncomfortable thing about being 40 weeks pregnant is carrying around the weight... 43 pounds may seem light and airy at first, but carry it around for a month or more, and it can actually seem heavy!
Really, I'm doing fine, sleeping all that I can, and working in small bits on the house. There's a storm front over Nebraska, so the weather has cooled a lot, which makes everything easier. Due to some scheduling weirdness, my next Doctor's appointment isn't 'til the 15th (!), so I won't know how I'm progressing 'til then... Unless, of course, I go into labor, then I'll have an idea that I've progressed! I'll keep you in touch if anything happens, of course. Thanks to those who have responded personally to these updates. It's really lovely to hear from you, whether in epic form or a few quick sentences. Truly, you don't know what it means to me. I'll respond to each of you as I have time to sit at the computer again. I can feel your warm wishes and good thoughts. Really. Thank you. More when there's more ... ... P.S. Just wanted to share one of the responses with you, as it made me laugh out loud: -----Original Message-----
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| 11 September 2003 | |
Well, it's TIME!! Or at least seems to be. My water broke at 12 noon (just like in the movies!), so Grant will be here one way or another within 24 hours. So it's time to go into the Birthing Center and HAVE THIS BABY! Of course, this COULD be false labor, but I wouldn't send out this mail if I wasn't pretty darn sure... So, as far as I can tell, I'll have my son in my arms
within twenty-four hours... (wow. I'll be coming home with a whole new
person!) |
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How
I planned to look when leaving for the hospital.  |
How
I actually looked when leaving for the hospital.  Mom & me leaving the house |
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I'm going to stay at St. Francis' for as long as they'll let me, in the hopes of getting a bit of rest before returning home. The longest stay is only 48 hours though! If you're close enough to come by, we'd love to see you! I'll send out Birth Announcements as soon as I can sit at the computer again! Please send out your good thoughts, that we both may come home healthy and happy. Mommy-in-Progress, |
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On Thursday, September 11, I got out of bed late (as usual). Sleeping was quite a challenge at the end of the pregnancy, so I tried to sleep as long as possible, even into the afternoon if I could. Heaven knows I wasn't sleeping at night! My Mom, Aunt Nancy, Uncle Maynard and Aunt Lois invited me to have lunch with them at noon, so I combed my hair into a ponytail, struggled into some big fat clothes, and headed out without a shower. We met at Aunt Nancy's house, and chatted a bit before making our way to lunch. As I sat in Aunt Nancy's family room discussing the plethora of Lunch Options, I felt a sort of {pop!} in my nether regions. It was exactly noon. The sensation is odd to describe, I sort of felt it without feeling it, if you know what I mean... Anyone who has ever "heard" the sound of an earthquake will have some idea of what I'm talking about. Of course, there are no nerves in the amniotic sac, so I couldn't have really felt anything, but I did {feel} something, if that makes any sense. I knew deep down that my water broke, but took a little trip on that river Denial for a bit. There was only a little fluid, as baby's head stoppered up the passage when I stood up. I hadn't felt a single contraction: that day or ever. From my research I knew that the bag of waters rarely breaks as it does in the movies; usually it breaks in the hospital after several hours of labor, or the doctor breaks it to encourage labor or to actually deliver the baby. The fluid that was leaking just barely dampened my undies... but still... there was that {pop!} . . . So I came out of the bathroom and announced to my waiting family that "I'm pretty sure my water just broke." The moment froze... I wish I had a photo of their faces. It was as if I had said something in another language, or come out with underwear on my head. Then there was a surge of activity and lots of questions. I decided to drive home and call the Birthing Center for advice. We were told in the Childbirthing Class that if our water breaks, we are to go to the Center immediately, but I still wasn't 100% absolutely, certainly sure that my water HAD actually broken. I advised the family to go ahead and go to lunch. I'd call them with an update. At home, I called the Birthing Center and described the sensation and all. Of course, they told me to come in immediately. Here's where my own "planning" worked against me... I had expected to experience 6 to 8 hours of early labor at home, like the books say. So I had left a few items purposely undone, that I might have an activity to occupy me during those early hours. Namely, the final packing of my overnight bag, and the burning of my "labor" music CD's. This was a mistake (#1). There I was, leaking fluid each time I bent over, coughed, or laughed, the Birthing Center advised of my impending arrival, and I was rushing through the house packing a bag while my CD burner hummed away on my makeshift desk. I had some thoughts to take a much-needed shower, but that was not to be. I called my Mom's cell phone to give her the news, but she didn't answer, so I called the restaurant where the family was eating to let her know that we did need to go to the hospital as soon as I was packed. I told her to finish eating and come right over. This put me in mind of eating, but I didn't have time to fix anything, so I had a drinkable yogurt, figuring I would eat something more substantial at the hospital. (Mistake #2.) I called Grant's daddy, my Dad, and my bestest friend Martha to let them know I was heading to the hospital. At about this time, Mom and Aunt Nancy arrived. Mom would be driving us to the hospital and acting as my birthing partner, Aunt Nancy was on hand to be the Official Photographer (and to keep Mom company or give her a break when she needed one). |
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 Sending out my "I'm going to the hospital" email. |
In addition to the custom CD's, I grabbed a few mass-market CD's from my collection, just in case. I went back to the computer to send out my "I've gone to the hospital" email, that I had prepared a week earlier, and realized that I had to rewrite it, as it stated that I had been in labor for several hours, and noted that it could be a "false alarm". So after some editing, the email went out, and we headed out into the warm, rainy day. To the hospital. To have a baby. |
| Things were still pretty unreal to me, as I had yet to feel a single contraction. Moving was getting more and more difficult, as the cushioning fluid was slowly leaking away, and Grant's head was pressing harder and harder down. I was mostly concerned that I hadn't had time for a shower, meaning that any photos taken would show me greasy-haired and without makeup. Yes, I am that vain. | |
| I have a big truck, which my mom hadn't driven before, and I have a long, thin driveway to back down. I am sure that is the reason that Mom drove several feet onto the lawn as we left, not any nervousness on her part... |  They never covered this in Driver's Education! |
The drive was otherwise uneventful, and we got to the Birthing Center at around 2pm. The nurses were very concerned that I didn't arrive earlier, and there was already a message from my dear friend Francis waiting at the desk. I was shown to one of the terrific birthing rooms, where I changed into a gown and awaited a medical assessment of my situation. At this point we were still not certain that my water had broken, and thought we might be sent right home again. The first nurse came in to "check" me. In all my reading and discussions, no one had ever mentioned how intensely uncomfortable this procedure is, at checkups as well as at the hospital. The medical professional has to really get their fingers UP in there, and poke around to and fro. While this was uncomfortable in the doctor's office, it was even worse with a nurse who has small hands. She prodded here and there, and pronounced the membranes "intact", 1.5 centimeters dilated, and just 50% effaced. I didn't believe her. They had some sort of new test strip that was supposed to change color when dipped in amniotic fluid, and it didn't change color. The day nurses were of the opinion that I'd be sent home (I think they were rolling their eyes behind my back), but they had to wait for the doctor to make his pronouncements before releasing me. By this time, I was SURE my water had broken, otherwise, what had been leaking from me for the past two hours?!? What was the glick left behind in the hospital toilet if not a mucous plug? I thought I might have to make a fuss... By this time, the absence of my OB/GYN, Dr. Yazdi, was concerning me. The nurses said only that they couldn't find him. I had learned at my last appointment that he wasn't taking appointments until the following Monday, but the receptionist who gave me that info didn't know why (it turns out he was fishing for the weekend). The OB on duty, Dr. Reilly, came in and introduced himself before having me "open wide". (My term, not his.) The nurse who examined me told him of her opinion, and noted that the new test strip did not change color. In a very "doctor-ish" way, he pointed and said "What does that look like to you?" She peered, then sheepishly replied, "Um, amniotic fluid." "And where do you think that came from?" The nurse didn't respond verbally... I thought I might like this doctor okay... Dr. Reilly turned to me and informed me that I wouldn't be leaving the hospital without a baby, even though I was just barely dilating. At this point, Mom went to get the bags out of the truck, and settle in for the labor. Aunt Nancy had arrived, and noted that Dr. Reilly was very well respected, and assured me that I should have no doubts about his competence. I was still hoping Dr. Yazdi would show up; after all, we had built a relationship over the past months, and I was comfortable with him... You know: he's my doctor! I asked the nurse if I could crack open the snacks I brought, or send Mom to the cafeteria for some food; after all, I hadn't had anything solid to eat since dinner the night before (about 18 hours earlier!). My books and classes had advised me to eat something light while at home in early labor. . . . The answer was no. No food at all during labor at the hospital, just in case a Cesarean is required, so I wouldn't choke on my own vomit. Mmmm, nice. It was about this time that things got quiet and I noticed that the contractions I had started feeling seemed to be fairly regular. I timed them by the hospital clock and they were almost exactly two minutes apart. It was about 2:30 in the afternoon. Here I'd like to note that since my water broke at noon, there was a timer running on this whole experience. Without the membranes in place, the uterus is open to infections, therefore, if the baby isn't delivered vaginally in 24 hours, a C-section will be performed. The nurse strapped two belts around my waist: monitors
for Grant's heartbeat and my uterine contractions. This restricted my
movements to the bed, and two feet within the bed. To go any further,
I had to disconnect two cables and drag them around with me. The IV was
also inserted into the back of my hand. (By the time of the
birth, there was enough fluid pumped into my veins to fill four of those
big 2-liter soda bottles!) For the rest of my time
in the delivery room, Grant's heartbeat on the monitor tapped out an audio
downbeat. It was very reassuring. I was also able to watch my contractions
come and go on the PC monitor next to the bed. For some reason it was
validating to see the line climb to a peak and fall again; I'm not sure
why. I watched almost every one come and go in these early hours. When
the contractions reached the top of the graph lines consistently, the
machine was recalibrated, but no one mentioned it to me. I was a little
disappointed when subsequent contractions only hit about halfway up the
chart, when they felt just as strong to me! Not to worry, they soon hit
the top of the graph paper again! |
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Due to the new privacy laws, patients (at least at Nebraska hospitals) must specify that their name can be released to "the public". If one doesn't specifically check a box on a form, callers and visitors cannot even be told if the person is a patient at all, let alone their condition. I checked the box, so the receptionist could acknowledge my presence in the hospital, but could not release any information regarding my condition. Since I sent out my email to many friends & family, several people called the hospital to simply check my progress. All of these calls were put right through to the delivery room while I labored. One of my friends noted to me later that she was "mortified" at interrupting the process. I only spoke with a couple of folks at the beginning of the labor; I hope the others forgive me having Mom answer the phone after that! |
 Laboring and chatting on the phone! |
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At 6pm the night nurse arrived. Her name is Leigh Anne, and she was my savior. She's capable, friendly, and really helped me through each stage, indeed each moment of her 12-hour shift. Mom was great, of course, but Leigh Anne had been through it all before, and had lots of advice for me and was more supportive than I could have hoped for. She listened to me, encouraged me, and inspired trust in me. I really can't overstate how wonderful and valuable she was. RN's are severely underpaid and undervalued. Truly. I mean it. Leigh Anne looked at the monitors and noted her surprise
that I was smiling and joking. She remarked that it was very unusual for
me to be slow-breathing through contractions at this point. I didn't think
they were so bad; it hurt more to step on a nail or hit myself with a
hammer (which I've done an inordinate number of times!).
I did rely a lot on my theatre-trained breathing and focus techniques...
breathing "into the pain" and placing my focus point outside
of my body. Leigh Anne said she wished all of "her moms" had
theatrical training! (Did I mention that Leigh Anne was really
great?) |
I had expected to play music through all this,
hence the frantic burning of CD's at the last minute, but it turned out
that music simply encouraged me to focus inward, on the pain. I just left
the TV on for this portion of the labor to divert my attention as much as
possible. I told Mom that I wanted it turned off at the end; I didn't want
Grant's first sounds to be that of MASH or The Nanny. Mom
and Aunt Nancy brought books to read, but niether of them read more than
twenty pages the whole night. |
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It was determined that Dr. Reilly wanted more information on Grant, so a new monitor was added. This one is inserted into the birth canal, through the cervix, and is attached to the top of the baby's head, a tiny bit under his skin. It is much more accurate than the one on the outside of the belly. Not so comfortable for Mommy, though! Grant never appeared to be in danger or stress even once. At some point in all this, yet another monitor was added internally, between the wall of the uterus and the baby's head, but I don't remember when exactly that happened... At around 7pm the contractions were coming one right on top of the other, mostly centered in my back (this is called "back labor", oddly enough!). This was very challenging, as there was no time to rest and regroup between contractions, it was just wave after wave of pain. We had brought a couple of tennis balls in a sock, as the birthing class and books had noted that it would be a good massage tool. It was around this point that I started to use it, to hold onto and squeeze with my hand or hands during the peak of each contraction instead of its intended use. Without it, I'm pretty sure I would have clawed holes in the palm of at least one of my hands. At 8:15pm, Dr. Reilly came in to check my progress. I was dilated to 4 cm. Not so bad! I figured I could deal with this okay. Very difficult, but truly manageable. I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar! Leigh Anne and I agreed that a hot shower might help me through this next bit, (and I was feeling very grimy!) so she warmed up the water and I (and my IV, and my dangling monitor cords) waddled over to the bathroom. She put in a shower chair so I might sit if needed, and asked if I'd like her to stay and help. I figured I'd be okay alone. . . .This did not end up being the shower I had wanted all day. I was barely able to wash my hair before needing to get off my feet, like, right NOW. Forget shaving my legs, conditioning my hair, lotion, anything like that. I held onto the shower chair for four or five contractions, but couldn't manage more than that. With all the cords coming from everywhere, I didn't want to sit. I also wasn't sure I'd be able to get back up, and I didn't want to have to call for help while wet and naked to get out of the shower and dry off. It really wasn't doing me any good to stand in the water and wait for the contractions to end, there was no end! I couldn't get the shower to turn off, so just got out and dried as well as I could, and put on a clean hospital gown. (It turned out that no one was able to turn the shower off, and maintenance had to come and do it with a wrench!) By this point, I was starving. Funny (ha, ha) to be in labor and thinking about how hungry I was... I wouldn't get any food for more than twelve hours yet... |
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The contractions continued without a pause between, and they got more and more intense. I kept focusing and breathing deeply, I sat up, I sat on the birthing ball with my arms on the bed. I rocked back and forth, side to side, in circles. I ended up on the bed with a leg over each side, birthing ball in the middle, for me to lean on. Mom asked how she could help, and rubbed my back for me. It was quite a relief, but somehow, just not enough! I breathed deeply. If there had been a little break between the contractions, it would have been much more manageable, but they just kept on coming and coming. After nearly FOUR hours of this, I was checked again. All of us in the room (including the medical personnel) figured that I had to be 8 or 9cm after laboring so long and hard. I don't imagine that the nurses would have mentioned a measurement if they weren't certain. The PC monitor showed good, strong contractions the whole time. The verdict: four-and-a-half centimeters. Let me say that again: four-and-a-half centimeters. Just half a centimeter more than FOUR HOURS earlier. Not half an inch, half a centimeter. It was then I nearly cried. |
I wonder now whether I had progressed at all, since they don't measure with a ruler or anything, they just use fingers to estimate. Maybe saying four-and-a-half was to make me feel better!! ...who knows? So it was determined that although my contractions appeared "full strength", they were not causing the cervix to get the heck out of the way fast enough. (Remember we had that clock ticking, with already 12 hours gone.) The solution? Drugs. Specifically, pitocin, a drug that causes uterine contractions. |
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Now, the one thing that I NEVER wanted was to be induced in any way. I did NOT want pitocin administered. I had heard nothing but horror stories about the extreme, often violent contractions brought on by this drug. I had been ready to argue with my doctor if Grant was late and he wanted to induce...just REALLY not what I wanted! Of course, now it was medically necessary. I figured if drugs were going to be given, then I wanted some of the good drugs too! The anesthetist, who had peered in hours earlier to ask the nurse if he should stick around or go home (he went home), was called back to put in an epidural for me. His name was Ivan, and I asked if people called him "Ivan the Terrible". He said "no" without a trace of a smile. I asked for the lightest possible touch on the medication. I hoped to be able to go without a urinary catheter, and to be able to push successfully when the time came. He did a great job. The needle insertion didn't hurt at all, and I could feel the exact point where my body became numb: right at the bottom of my sternum. The pitocin was also administered at this time, in hopes of creating productive contractions while I couldn't feel them. |
Ivan, the anesthetist. I got the poor guy called out of bed three times. |
| It was a relief to have a break from the contractions. I relaxed for a little while, but about half an hour after the epidural, I began feeling a weird tightening along the bottom of my rib cage, like it was hard to breathe. The sensation increased, and the contractions were back with a vengance, given enhanced strength from the pitocin. I was already very tired from the labor so far, and the pains were greater with each passing minute. Poor Ivan was called out of bed to increase the amount of pain relief flowing thru the epidural. Ahhhh... nice. Unfortunately, the increased epidural decreased the effectiveness of the contractions again, so more pitocin was added. And the full force of pain was back. | |
Ivan was awakened again to up the epidural medication. I noticed a pleasant smell as he worked, and asked if he was eating an altoid. No, knowing the laboring woman's heightened sense of smell, he was considerate enough to have brushed his teeth before coming over. The increased epidural eased the pain once again, but alas, for only about 15 minutes this time. The pitocin continued to win out. For me, the epidural would not ever truly work. Without the cushioning fluid, Grant was not moving into the birthing position, which for him is face down as Momma lies on her back. He was not helped by the squeezing of the uterine contractions. The monitors still said he was doing okay, though. |
 Surfing the waves of pain. |
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I believe it was about this time that the vomiting began. Need I say it was awful? (No more on this, okay?) My Mom started telling me that it was okay for me to cry. Leigh Anne said that if I wanted to yell, or scream, or swear, it was perfectly normal and wouldn't bother anyone. For some reason, it just didn't make sense to me. Would crying make the pain stop? No. Would yelling make the baby move? No. Would swearing force my cervix to open? No. So I didn't. |
| I was "checked" again. Now just
8cm. Perhaps if I pushed for a while, the action would make Baby's head
push the cervix open from the inside. So I assumed the position, and pushed.
Note that I had no urge to push, so there was no sense of relief that many
women feel at this time. Just effort atop the pain. Leigh Anne could see
the top of Grant's head, still facing my hipbone instead of my tailbone
as it should have. She was very surprised that in between pushes, while
I was taking a breath, I continued to bear down. This meant that Baby's
head stayed where it was rather than slipping backwards in between pushes.
I don't know for how long this continued, but it didn't make any difference.
The cervix wouldn't budge. |
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It was now nearly 6am. I had been in active labor for nearly 18 hours. In books and our Birthing class I had learned that the really nasty part of labor, called "transition" generally takes from 30 minutes to two hours. I had been "transitioning" for about six hours. Not to be a complainer, but I was truly exhausted. I've said at other times in my life "Boy, am I exhausted." What I meant was that I was very tired. Struggling through the unending pain left me more wrung-out than I could have imagined. And remember, it was now over 36 hours since I had eaten. I was totally sapped. The nurses were a little desperate to get Grant to turn
from his sideways position. With a lot of help, I turned over on the bed
to hands-and-knees positioning. This way, Baby is supposed to have a bit
more freedom of movement. Unfortunately, my arms and legs were trembling
so badly that I couldn't support my own weight. The head of the bed was
raised up to its highest angle, and I was basically draped, face down,
over the top of the bed. It was hoped that the pressure would help push
Grant down towards the birth canal, perhaps turning him at the
same time. They didn't sound hopeful. |
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| I guess I started hallucinating, and was saying
something nonsensical to Leigh Anne. She smiled a bit (kindly), and said
her shift was over and she had to go. I tried to thank her, but I don't
think I said anything coherent. Remarkably, blessedly, I passed out. I was roused almost an hour later, I think. The epidural machine was gone. Things were really a blur. The day nurse checked me again, said that it was time, and that Dr. Reilly would be coming in to deliver me. "So I'm fully dilated?" "No. The doctor will be using forceps to push the cervix back and get the baby out." I didn't even know they did that. The room was suddenly abuzz with people. Bright surgical lights came on by my legs, the adjoining area with the baby equipment was uncurtained, stirrups were fitted to the bed, bunches of things were happening. I asked Mom to put one of my CD's in for me. My custom CDs didn't work; lucky I brought a couple of regular ones! I asked for the Enya, it began playing low. It was nearly 8am. Everyone was very nice to me, very solicitous. The doc came in, and looked at me very compassionately. "How 'bout we deliver this baby?" he said. I thought that would be a good idea. He arranged my legs more comfortably in the stirrups. |
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He pulled, I pushed, and Grant finally made his way here, about 20 minutes after the doc came in the room. 20 hours and 37 minutes after my water broke. 8:37am, September 12. Seven pounds, 10 ounces; 20 inches long. |
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Dr. Reilly using the forceps to get my little guy out. |
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My wee one, taking his first breath as I watch in a mirror. |
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 Little Goblin in my arms. |
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| The Momma Diaries | |
| 26 September 2003 | |
| Well, Grant is two weeks old today! We are both doing well. I had planned to update everyone today, but time has once again gotten away from me. Are you surprised? But I did put some photos together. Narration to follow soon... | |
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Fear
not,
the Time is coming
-- Adapted from "The Red Tent"
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Last updated: 5 April, 2007
